I drive to work a lot.
That sounds dumb – I’m talking about volume, not just frequency.  Everyone who drives to work, drives “a lot”.  Daily, even.

My commute to and from work averages 3 hours each day.  Earlier this Summer,  I decided the car needed to get a recalled part replaced to keep it from spontaneously losing power steering in the middle of the winding Bronx River Parkway at 70MPH.  I took it to a dealer in Queens on the way to work.

I’ve spent some time in Queens – there are many lovely neighborhoods and lovely people.  I’ve had good times and bad, but mostly just times.  Waiting for a flight.  Waiting to get my case in front of the judge.  Waiting to be released into the custody of my Probation Officer.  Waiting for the car to be fixed.  You know.

On this occasion, I decided to walk around the neighborhood instead of watching CNN in the waiting room.  It was the best decision of my life.  I may be exaggerating, but here are some awesome highlights from my adventures…

The first thing I decided was that this was the perfect occasion for a haircut.  Every NYC neighborhood has multiple barbershops – each one with its own unique flavor and mediocre cuts.  The first barber I stumbled upon ended up having too long a wait and I moved on… but while sitting, two amazing things happened.  First, a minor car accident right outside the door and subsequent yelling-fight.  Poor guys!  They’ll be okay.  Second, among the many posters that comprise the barbershop’s “menu” of cuts, I spied this…

Look a little bit closer and you might recognize one of those dudes…

I’m imagining two scenarios, either: A) he was trying to get his face out there in those tough years before 1996/SNL, or B) a pal of his works at Long Island Cutlery Co. and they thought it would be hilarious to embed a famous comedian’s head shot into one of these ubiquitous posters.  It’s not B), is it.

I left the barbershop and wandered around some more, eventually stumbling on a Brazilian neighborhood – RIO had only been in theaters a month and a half or so… I was sensing the magic of coincidence even before I stopped in the window of a sculpture studio type place which had some prominently featured birds…

As I continued my epic journey, I perused a giant thrift store, a Starbucks, a videogame retailer, and found myself in a hybrid neighborhood of hipsters, Russians and Italians.  There is some aesthetic crossover in this situation as seen below…

Vintage toy clutter: hipster or old Russian guy?  It’s irrelevant.

Down the street was another barbershop… this was my last chance and I took it with gusto.  What an amazing vibe in there…

Yes, this hung without irony on the fake wood paneled walls.  A closeup…

Here’s one of the only other pictures on the wall…

Yes, very carefully taped up there 15 years ago… this gorgeous example of what one can aspire to.  Clearly, the art direction is focused on the hair, which looks pretty fantastic.  My main issue is with their faces, not their haircuts.  They chose these guys to huddle together as a group, but why?

I believe the person behind this decision was a masterful and mischievous modern artist – casting one dude with eyes too close for the top and one with eyes too far apart for the bottom.  And the one uniting visual cue for all three models: powerfully “off” eyebrows.  This shit is a masterpiece.  If I ever go back there, I’ll make an offer on it.

I can’t wait to go back to Queens – I might even tamper with my car’s engine for an excuse.